Hello, Welcome! Grab your popcorn, partner, and maybe some pen and paper. I am so eager to unleash not only the common knowledge tips for first-time swinger couples, but the best kept secrets. From sketchy whole in the wall sex parties to becoming a member at your local swingers club, and even booking your first swinger events there will be many firsts.
Going to a swinger club with my partner was the final 'challenge', I guess, to see how well our communication, body language, and emotions were actually bonded. You can talk and re hearse, and ask every question while convincing your partner to join a swinger club You will never be too sure about your expectations and reactions to certain situations until you are actively at the swinger event.
There is no, "Well we didn't talk about this". Or, "I thought you said that this was okay!" Total buzzkill. These are the things that you as a couple need to discuss prior to even thinking about going to a swinger club. Of course, my partner and I enjoyed several first time events together when we started out swinging. It just kept getting better and better.
BE PREPARED
This is the most important action that everyone in the swinger community emphasises so much on. You can never be too prepared or too ready for any event. But, here are the best tips for first-time swingers being prepared for a swinger club. There is not a megaphone loud enough for this as it is absolutely paramount.
Don't Be 'Over-Prepared'
There is a difference between trying to be too prepared, and walking into a swinger club thinking you are prepared enough with what goes on once you enter the scene.
Confidence is the sexiest thing to wear, cockiness and jealousy, farthest from sexy. If you want to put in as much preparation without going overboard? Put the effort into the club host. As a first-timer, club owners, managers, and hosts, love to welcome newbies into their establishment. The swinger club website will have contact details. Send an email to the 'Mama San', who is the female boss of the business. Her eyes will light up receiving a message from you and your partner! She will most likely have a special treat ready for you upon your arrival. So, ask all of the questions you still need to be answered to feel confident attending the swinger club event.
Your Go-To Essentials Kit
A huge upgrade to being prepared is bringing your own essentials kit for you and your partner. It's crazy how many times you'll be so grateful for bringing these things along.
You will find that many clubs and events have designated lockers and secured areas for your belongings so you aren't lugging around your goods. Not sexy. The purpose of bringing your own essentials is to make you as comfortable as possible, and more importantly to keep your experience clean! So, what should you bring with you?
- Condoms: You shouldn't expect it, but a vast majority of swinger clubs and parties will provide condoms like breath mints. It is just the comfort knowing that you are equipped with the safety net that you are familiar with. Plus, when you are mingling with another couple and things start to get hot and heavy, they might not be prepared, don't let that stop
- Extra clothing: Unless you plan on doing multiple outfit changes, a backup pair of underwear is mandatory. If the club has hot tubs, pools, or steam rooms, a bathing suit is much more comfortable than being submerged in your lingerie. And ladies, the chemicals (for cleanliness) are not nice to your lacy and silk chamices. With extra clothing, an extra pair of shoes can be very essential. Women are encouraged to wear heels as a part of their formal attire. After walking around a bit, going from activity to activity, slidding on a pair of flip flops or slippers is a game changer.
- Travel size hygiene products: Body wash, Shampoo and conditioner, Toothpaste, Toothbrush, Razor, Baby wipes (inbetween cleans)
- Added essentials that come in handy: Your go-to lube, Your own couple sex toys, Towels. Washcloth, hand towel, body towels, and beach towels work perfectly, Water bottle and small snacks (this is subject to club rules, some provide these complimentary.), A grocery or produce bag for bringing home your soiled clothes
Couples who just want to bring the basics or don't want to risk losing anything, a small travel essentials bag is all you need. If you are a couple that knows you will be going all out and want to bring towels, multiple toys, and spare shoes, a travel tote is the way to go.
Lower Your Expectations
Specifically if you are using the wrong resources for your research. If you think watching "Eyes Wide Shut", "50 Shades of Grey", and whatever x-rated sites are going to give you a glimpse of reality in a swinger club, not good. It's a good chance that if you aren't at a Hollywood Elite Swingers event, not every member will resemble a Victoria's Secret model. There will be all ages, from 21 to 80 years old. Everyones size, build, and physical features will be different. A huge expectation many first-time swingers have, is thinking that you will get laid. That's not always the case and it is quite common for swinger couples to attend these swinger clubs just to watch. A swinger club is how you will meet other swingers, and many couples do just this inside the club and take their adventures to somewhere like home or a hotel.
Take Full Advantage of All Resources
This is where you get to use the internet to your advantage. Download swinger dating apps, have a couples account on a few local swinger dating sites. This will be the Glory Hole of what you can expect at the establishment.
Standing Out is Only Good to a Degree
As a first-time swinger couple at a swinger club, the moment you walk into the club, all eyes will be on you. Don't get intimidated or feel out of place. You will feel this spotlight die off pretty quickly once you and your partner start socializing. In the most positive meaning possible, you are both walking in as 'fresh meat'. It's highly unlikely that you will be the only first-time couple that walks through the same doors in the same night. There is more of a sense of everyone welcoming you to the community, as they were all first-timers at one point, they know the nerve-wracking feelings you are experiencing. They also understand that as a new swinger couple, this is a very large step in your relationship, and it should be celebrated!
Once you and your partner have made your rounds to different areas of the clubs and scoping out which group of friends you want to join first, those nerves will turn into tantalizing anticipation. Navigating a swinger club with your partner requires great lengths of social awareness but more importantlly self awareness. Have you never experienced seeing a woman get triple penetrated? Experiencing the act at home and behind closed doors is welcome for side commentary and gawking stares. Not at the swinger club. Look at it as you and your partner strolling through an art gallery with each artist standing next to their piece. You'll nod and smile as you admire their artwork and if it isn't your cup 'o tea, you move along. If you are pointing, laughing, or showing disgust, this is not going to sit well with anyone around you. This is not how you want to stand out.
Know How to Navigate Discreetly with Your Partner
You are both learning how to navigate a completely different way of socializing. You will encounter couples who are straight to the point immediately. You will also encounter couples who want to mingle with you a few times before sharing intimacy. Then there will be couples that you just can't read their intentions clearly.
Being able to communicate silently and with slight body language will get you a lot further and much more comfortable while in a swinger club. You can both train for a communication marathon and try to tackle every possible situation you might encounter during your first-time swinging. You have to accept that you will be faced with so many unimaginable propositions.
This can be resolved without any awkwardness or hurt feelings by just having one small 'code' for these happenings. Is it a phrase or compliment you nonchalantly say? You can have a signal (having her fiddle with her left earring or moving her hair a certain way is not effective, don't do it.) Like ordering a drink that isn't your typical. Working as a team with your partner is the best formula for an amazing first time swinger experience.
Approaching a Couple at a Swinger Club
The probability that you are approaching a couple in the swinger community while at a swinger club, is well, pretty obvious. So that cringey conversation starter is easily avoided. First thing's first, introduce yourselves. Once they reciprocate and provide their introduction you can take a baby step into asking them if they frequent the club or live somewhere in the area.
Small talk sucks…. There is no denying it, and women are sometimes better at it naturally. It is as simple as throwing out your best compliments to one another and perking up as much confidence between all of you. Eye contact is a very seductive but not overbearing advancement. If the vibes are there and you are ready to get the party started, initiate moving to a different area of the club. This can seamlessly take you from flirting to freaking.
Declining Advances at a Swinger Club
Situations like this can present itself in number of unexpected ways. As a swinger couple, you should already have a preformatted outline of how you both handle declining unwanted requests. If you haven't yet had the conversation about what happens when you disagree on what the next step will be. This is bound to happen.
You are completely hitting it off with a couple and your partner let's you know that they are just not into them. This is the exact situation that calls for a huge rule announcement. Never take one for the team! Yes, you and your partner are a team, this is exactly why you shouldn't give in to an idea that you aren't comfortable with just to please your partner.
Stay curious about the way other swingers handle declining you or other couples around you. The ideal situation should go like this: "Hey it was great meeting you, my partner and I are going to go venture around and meet some more couples. Hope that we see you around!"
Handling Rejection from Another Couple
Oh this will sting a little the first few times. The best way to not feel butt-hurt is to just accept it and move on to a couple who really wants the both of you. Especially as first-swingers attending your first swinger club, the attention you receive can be a massive ego boost.
Keep reminding you and your partner that this is a community and swingers look after other swingers as if they are family. Every couple or individual you strike up a conversation with at a swingers club is there with their own intentions and it's more than likely not going to be with you. This is a social environment and you are expected to mix and mingle with anyone you want.
Take the rejection with a smile and a drink raise and continue on your path to destruction.
Final Thoughts on Swinger Clubs: Tips for First-Time Swingers
There are a plethora of tips and tricks to know about the swinger lifestyle. Many of them you will find through your own research, and many more of them will come from your first-hand experience as a swinger couple. Making the decision together to joining the swinger community brings you so many "firsts". Every single experience, whether first or tenth, should resurface in conversation shortly after the fact.
There is a special bonding connection you build with your partner by doing this. Discussing what is about to happen and what just happened very frequently is such an understated healthy communication technique for first time swingers.