Whether you're exploring the swinger lifestyle for the first time or have enjoyed shared passions in the past, introducing a new partner to swinging is a complex and delicate experience. In a world where we are socialized to believe that monogamy is the "norm" or in swinger language "vanilla"(how boring!), we as couples can feel a lack of exploration in our sexual pleasures. If you are looking for guidance on how to convince your partner to join a swinger party, we are here for you!
The only real, healthy, active, swinging relationship that can exist is one with mutual consent, so it's key to get the discussion started in a respectful way that acknowledges your partner's needs, insecurities, and boundaries. Then you can create a safe and fulfilling environment for exploring and enjoying sexual pleasures. Even if you have experienced a swinger party, this is a new experience and shouldn't be compared to your partners first experience.
A Relatable View of the Community
When I first got into the swinging lifestyle, I was able to put it into an easy to see analogy. Think of the swinger's community like a country club. Jim and Pam meet up with Dwight and Pamela every other Tuesday. Dwight and Jim may play a round of golf while Pam and Angela play tennis. Both couples enjoy both sports at the country club. Dwight and Pam go for a round of golf while Jim and Angela play tennis.Remember, this is a country club, so Jim and Pam might have a 'match' scheduled with Michael and Holly. Since they are all a part of the country club and enjoy the activities, every couple likes the idea of this shared community. Michael and Angela swim laps at the pool with Dwight. Jim and Holly always bump into each other at the spa.
Now, we could go into all of the detailed situations that may happen outside of the country club, but this will come down to the decision you make with your partner. If you were to run into Jim and Pam at the grocery store, would you be comfortable with Jim mentioning your partners amazing "backswing" performance the other night? It is very acceptable to keep your personal relationships out of your social and business relationships. This is entirely up to the both of you.
The Basics of a Swinger Party
Whether you're joining the community or just wanting to dip your toes in for the night, CPR is mandatory and there are no exceptions. Especially being vulnerable and inexperienced, any swinger event you attend, you will be welcomed and taken care of. Communicate to other members that you are new to the scene and interested about it, you will be poured with acceptance.
What You Can Expect to Happen
I'm not here to completely blame it on the movies and porn available to all of us, but it is another lifestyle that the media industry seems to embellish. No, you are not going to walk into a swinger party and put your car keys in a bowl. If you have seen the Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman movie, “Eyes Wide Shut”, expect your experience to be much more diverse and not so cult-like.
A few standard rules for swinger parties:
- Again, number one is CPR. Consent Protection and Respect
- When couples arrive together they leave together
- Everyone gets off in their own way. You are in an environment where each person is encouraged to express their personal desires and with absolutely no judgment.
- Acting greedy, especially with your partner, is a huge red flag to the other members and you will be asked to leave.
- There has to be pleasure for you when seeing your partner with someone else. This is quite the boundary and barrier for your relationship. If you are crushed by the thought of seeing your partner sexually satisfied by someone else, your relationship isn't at the right spot to join a swinger party. Yet. But you can get there.
Analyze the Strength of your Relationship
There are many factors that can determine how easy it will be to convince your partner to join a swinger party. How strong is your relationship? Are you fresh into the relationship and curious to see how many new sexual experiences you can enjoy together? Is your relationship lacking a little bit of something in the bedroom? Answering questions like these with a 'yes' doesn't give you a 100% positive go ahead to receiving a swinger party invitation.
Soft or Full Swap?
It comes as a surprise to many inexperienced swingers that not all of them are having sex with each other. This is far from the mandatory but usually the most exciting! Soft swap couples are into the idea of sharing partners, but in a less intimate setting. Some couples agree to have sex with other couples but absolutely no kissing. You can even test out a soft swap with a third partner. You and your partner can invite what the swinger community calls a 'Unicorn', which is a female that joins a male and female couple. Threesomes are quite a separate topic from swinging, so please don't compare the two acts.
How to Convince Your Partner to Join a Swinger Party?
Are you able to compliment or say something nice about the opposite sexes appearance without causing concern with your partner? I feel like it is a pretty basic gesture that can help you test the waters with your partner. If monogamy, religion, or trust is a very large part of your relationship, this might turn into testy waters if you don't communicate your desires and boundaries clearly.
Local Swinger Dating Apps
After doing a little bit of research on the rules, regulations, etiquette, etc., you will benefit from researching the actual swinger party you are wanting to attend. The best way to do this is to sign up for a few swinger dating sites. Kasidie has the feature, 'Rendezvous', where you can add your profile to the platform's calendar letting other members around you know when you can 'meet up'. Another platform, SDC, Swingers Dating Club, offers huge perks to the members who attend their exclusive parties.
Most swinger dating apps allow you to make a couples profile where you will both have your own bio. With these shared profiles you can both have access to the features on your own time, and make the communication process close to perfect. If you are worried about your privacy and protection, SwapFinder is known for having the best security measurements and control on each member's personal info.
It's as easy as uploading a couple of sexy pictures (some sites let you blur out your face but have more strict policies on images they accept) enter in a little bit of info about yourselves and what you are looking for, then start matching! It makes the initial process of trust and communication more like baby steps when you start this way.
These dating app experiences will create an unmatchable bond in your relationship. You are able to discuss certain interactions together and protocols you need to put in place. Is you partner all about the facts and wants all the details before knowing what they are getting into? (I was that partner) Local swinger dating sites also have some of the best tips and tricks from other members. There are thousands of resources you can find with Adult Friend Finder's 'Sex Academy' feature.
Final Thoughts
Take the time to learn about it with your partner. If you are all gung-ho on the positive benefits your relationship can receive with this experience, be open and honest about it with your partner. If they shoot you down, well that's a different conversation. We all share a tantalizing thrill that comes with this lifestyle. There is so much trust, respect, exploration, and desire in our relationships that everyone deserves!
So, start out with those small baby steps, learn about your local swinger community, and check the best swinger sites on SwapCupid.